Intrusive thoughts may be scary, upsetting, and distressing and your natural inclination may be to try to talk back to them or to prove that they aren’t rational in order to get relief. If you’ve found this article, I’m guessing that approach probably hasn’t worked very well. Deb Dan’s phrase, “story follows state,” can help you understand why trying to rationally talk yourself out of unwanted thoughts is not only not helping much but maybe even fueling the thoughts, and what you can do instead..

The thoughts you have and the way you interpret your experiences are shaped by your nervous system state, and your body-sensations. “Story (the thoughts) follows state.” One reason that trying to rationally talk ourselves out of these thoughts doesn’t often work is that our story (the thoughts) is rooted in a body-state akin to fight, flight and/or freeze responses. Upsetting thoughts will usually be coupled either with uncomfortable body sensations such as a muscle ache or other pain, or a lack of sensation – feeling tuned out from our body.

If it was just a thought, maybe you could rationally talk yourself out of it, but it’s hard to think you’re way out of these threat-response states. You can tell yourself that an intrusive thought isn’t true, or isn’t happening right now, but if your nervous system and body sensations are sounding alarm bells, you may not be in a state where you can accept the things you tell yourself to try to calm down. Working through the body, gives us a nonverbal or pre-verbal more direct pathway to access the nervous system state underlying the thoughts.

The best first step often is to acknowledge what is happening when the swirl of thoughts is threatening to carry you away. “There’s my chest tightening, and my breath feels short. Yuck, I hate this feeling, but still, this is a natural response that just doesn’t fit my current situation right now.” In finding some curiosity for being with the sensations and the thoughts, you are taking the first step toward addressing the this state somatically rather than being stuck in your head. It sounds simple, but it’s often hard to do, and it’s a powerful step towards healing and wholeness.